Hobbit - We Three Kings and Bilbo

Bilbo: Why do you want Bilbo to starve, why? *puppy-eyes*

We Three Kings explanation largely with regards to the Arkenstone. Just for the off-chance anyone is interested in the (partial) backstory of those comics, since I'm never going to draw all that and I don't what every artist description under them to be filled with something like this. Take it on faith I'm not just putting random crap in places. Or don't. That's also an option. 

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 Months after the Battle of the Five Armies. 

Thorin: "We never got the Arkenstone back?! Who has it now?"
Bilbo: "Not you, you're not allowed anywhere near it."
Thorin: *Snort* "So long as it's not with the Elves." 
Bilbo: "Well King Thranduil is who I gave it to." 
Thorin: "NOOOooooooo!"
Bilbo: "But he had a contract with Lord Dain and an arrangement with Balin to exchange the Arkenstone for those jewels of his."       
Thorin: "So we do have it then, it's back under the mountain?"
Bilbo: "No. It's my understanding that the exchange hasn't been made yet."
Thorin: "Good. At least we still have the Queens shiny shit then."
Bilbo: "I'd imagine so. I've never seen it, there's a lot of stuff in that gold pile."


I put forth that in an AU wherein Thorin manages to survive, Bard throws the Arkenstone in the lake.

Follows is a long explanation of that, since I don't write fanfic (I draw comics) but that shouldn't be taken to mean I don't tell stories. 


After the Battle of the Five Armies, the remaining armies need to settle their bills and go forward. Since this is an AU where everyone lives (unless they're evil or immoral or whatever, so Azog and the Master still dead, no loss) Thorin, Fili and Kili manage to not die but for the purposes of my headcanon still get pretty injured and their survival isn't a certainly for our characters in world.

Because of this, Lord Dain will still be sticking around both as support and as he might still be needed to claim the throne. Since Thorin, Fili and Kili are spending their time trying not to die, they wouldn't be involved in the immediate aftermath the other characters have to work out. 
 

Which brings us to what the other characters have to work out.

King Thranduil agrees to two separate but identical contracts with Lord Dain and Balin (on behalf of Thorin, Fili and Kili), to withdrawal his army, and exchange the Arkenstone for the those jewels of his. Neither contract will not come into full effect until after the winter to allow the Dwarves time to sort through their gold pile and locate the jewels (and to see if Thorin, Fili or/and Kili die or are rendered unable to rule in some way to see whose contract he'll sign, even though they are same).

In his words "Since I'm being reasonable and allowing you to locate my jewels on your time instead of simply going in there and collecting them myself, you'll grant me not to sign a contract with a corpse or pretender."

 

The negotiations for the contracts all occur in Erebor, since it's where the gold pile is, and in Bard's words "surprisingly less dafty and only smells a bit like a stable", and in Thranduil's "Makes us their guests".  

Those very simple contracts take weeks to hammer-out due to arguments and name-calling. Every morning and every evening is dealing with issues related to the re-settlement of Erebor and Dale and every afternoon is in Bards words "Argue with Dwarves about garbage as if it's a bloody fetish of yours".

King Bard negotiations take significantly less time then Thranduil's to work out, less then a weeks time, most of it being spent chatting pleasantly with Balin with only some arguing with Lord Dain. In Thranduil's words "No fun".

King Bard isn't privy to the exact details of Thranduil's contact other then that it involves a claim on some jewels of his, and that the Dwarves want his army to withdrawal. In Thranduil's words "I'll have to withdrawal them eventually anyway, but they insist ion it writing, I only told them I'd need that army to guard the road once the other Dwarves from Ered Luin come in, wouldn't want them to have to choose between safety and a long walk around my wood afterall. Should have seen Lord Dain's face at that."

King Thranduil meanwhile is fairly familiar with Bards contract as he gives him a significant amount of advice on what to claim and how to claim it. Basically to claim everything against the gold pile as a separate claim and argue each case independently of each other.

 

In Thranduil's words "First claim inheritance of Dale as rightful King, as direct descendent of Lord Girion, and claim anything of Dale's and anything taken from Dale. Second claim yourself as acting Master of Lake-Town by vocal vote, and claim anything Thorin promised the Lakemen. Third claim settlement for the destruction of Lake-Town current and Dale past caused by a dragon them and their ancestors attracted, to which they currently flushed out of the mountain. Lastly claim a reward for slaying the dragon thus preventing it from returning to the mountain and all the gold in it they're now claiming by birthright." 

King Bard agrees to two separate, non-identical contracts with Lord Dain and Balin (on behalf of Thorin, Fili and Kili), that Dale will be given any non-Dwarf items and all Dale items found in the gold pile (payment will be made to store excess items in Erebor) under the condition that all claims made against Smaug's hoard for non-Dwarf items will be handled by Dale exclusively (this opens Dale up to withdrawal items from the gold pile to pay for necessities without waiting on the complete inventory of the gold pile).

This is suggested to Bard by Thranduil in order to create a pool of items in non-dispute, in his words "The Dwarves would be smart to do the same, dividing the gold pile between them in 1/14th shares effectively makes the Kingdom of Erebor bankrupt. They'll likely forfeit at minimum Thorin's claim to make a bank".
Bard's contract also stipulates mutual aid and trade relevant to areas of skill and need for ever on, in Bard's words "Armour and swords for goats and turnips. What are they growing in there anyway, diamond mushrooms? Delicious" that Bard's argued to be put in under the condition of allies that Dale would have had with Erebor previously. 

Under Thorin's contract 1/14th of the share (Thorin's "share") will be paid as agreed to Lake-Town through Dale as Lake-Town will be considered an annex of Dale until it is rebuilt. 
Under Lord Dain's contract, Thorin's agreement with the deceased Master of Lake-Town is not valid (as Lake-Town is not recognised to exist, and Lord Dain didn't make that agreement, he considers it sufficient that the remainder of Lake-Towns inhabitants currently count as citizens of Dale). 

It's agreed that in order to move on to more important things (in Balin's words "Ensure mutually beneficial agreements to avoid mutually assured destruction") certain things will be simplified before the contracts are negotiated wherein:
- The Arkenstone is not counted as a portion of the gold pile, can't be claimed as anyone's 1/14th and can't be negotiated out of a claim in part or whole.
- Thorin, Fili and Kili's 1/14th claims are re-termed Goods of the Crown and can't be claimed.
- Bilbo is re-entered into his contract and his actions will now be considered not in violation of said contact as they full-fill the clause for removal of unauthorised inhabitants of Erebor by way of preventing new unauthorised inhabitants from entering ( i.e. Elves and Man)
- Contracts will not be active until spring, priority will be given to clean-up and re-settlement of Erebor and Dale (and eventual re-building of Lake-Town, in Thranduil's word "The preferred wine delivery system") to wit all persons with contracts will participate in this mutually or their contracts will be considered invalid. 
- Lord Dain's army will provide protection from the North and West (as well as whatever food and supplies they are willing to bring over)
- King Thranduil's army will provide protection from the East and South (as well as whatever food in Nori's words "Shitty Elf snacks" and supplies they are willing to bring over)
- All persons will be put to work, work will depend on skill set, any and all persons with medical training and knowledge will be put to work in that field or in Oin's words "It doesn't serve to survive the blade and die by the flu".
- Payments for goods and services will be paid for through the Bank of Dale and the Crown Goods. 

They all managed to make it through the winter but did face some problems. Assorted Orcs, bandits and a few small armies attempt to loot and move into the territory but are pushed out. A small number of Men and Dwarves come to the area to settle. Dale has a few attempts at claims on dragon-stolen treasure but are refuted.

In Bard's words "So a big green, two-headed dragon stole your great-grand pappies gold? That's a shame. That's not our dragon though, and that's not our responsibility."

Thorin and Bard both have their official coronations. A census is taken on who of the Lakemen plan to remain in Dale and who plans to return to Lake-Town upon it's reconstruction. An election is held for the position of Master of Lake-Town and the rebuilding of that begins in spring on the shore closed to the remains it's previous position. 

The vast majority of King Thranduil's army has withdrawal over the past months to the forest but continue to provide protection on the West and South from the trees. There's an argument about that with Lord Dain, something about cowards that hide in trees and cowards that hide under rocks respectively. 

When it comes time to settle up on the contracts, King Thorin and King Bard sign theirs without issue. Everything of Dale's and everything non-Dwarven goes to Dale, (with all amounts over what can be securely housed in Dale to remain in a vault in Erebor with a fee paid to the Dwarves), Thorin's agreement with Lake-Town is paid out to Lake-Town similarly, with a significantly larger over-flow stored in Erebor since all of Lake-Towns money is flowing out of it to rebuild it, there's neither need or desire to store large amounts of gold there. 

Trade between Erebor, Dale, Lake-Town, Mirkwood and the Iron Hills resumes. 

The first groups of Dwarves from Ered Luin leave for Erebor, and  some Dwarves from the Iron Hills elect to return as well. Thorin elects to send an envoy to meet up with Dis to sort out which of their Dwarves will be heading to Erebor, Fili and Kili will lead it, along side a few other members of the Company.

Bilbo plans to head out with them to go to the Shire to sort out his things and in his words "Scare everyone who no doubt thinks I'm long dead, no Hobbit has ever gone out further Bree that hasn't been declared dead and without a doubt eaten by wolves." They'll return with the Dis's convoy and Bilbo will marry Thorin and be in his words "King Consort under the Mountain" which Thorin insists isn't the proper title for that. 

Bilbo routinely has dinner with Thorin and supper with Bard and Thranduil.

If Bard didn't insist on being up before dawn, and skipping lunch, and all of Thranduil's only other discernible meals weren't alcohol-based Bilbo would be up to a proper seven meals by now. 
When Bilbo mentions his trip back to the Shire and Thorin's concerns about safety what with him being a little Hobbit in a big world  "It couldn't possibly be any more dangerous then last time *eye roll*" Thranduil offers to join them "Tell Thorin I'll protect his little Hobbit from big bad wolves and then come back and tell me what his face did". When Bilbo expressed that they would likely pass through Rivendell again and does he know any Elves there? Thranduil's eye twitches at that. "Never mind, you're on your own. A wolf finds you, you bring me it's head." 

When it comes time settle up on Thranduil's contract with Thorin though, he refuses to sign it and mentions really that his army is all of 50 or so Elves still in Dale and technically ordering them out falls under King Bards discretion. Thorin tells him to never mind that, if he doesn't sign the contract and surrender the Arkenstone to him he will not hand over his jewels. Thranduil says "I couldn't possibly give something that's not in my possession in order to receive something that's not in yours" and then strolls off while Thorin's yelling like "I'll keep your crappy jewels forever then". 

Thorin storms off, and Bilbo and Company end up confronting him about it. They ask him what his plan was for the Arkenstone, he'd already said it wasn't going back up above his throne (a throne which still has Smaug's claw marks in it, he'd ordered it left untouched). Thorin claims it's the principal of the matter, it's his stone, it belongs to his people and it belongs in his mountain. Bilbo refuses to share a home with "that rock". The Company also insists they don't want Thorin anywhere near, they don't want to be anywhere near it either. They state that Thorin went crazy looking for it, they went crazy letting him do it. Thorin almost threw Bilbo off the parapet. They really can't chance letting Thorin play around with that crack rock regardless of the principal, he was probably this close to rubbing it all over his naked body while the whole of the world dies on his doorstep. Thorin pouts about the Elf principal though, that an Elf has the stone, specifically that Elf. 

But Kili says "but you said he said he didn't have it, so it's fine."
Thorin: "Probably lying."
Fili: "Only if he also doesn't want those jewels of his"
Kili: "Maybe he's concerned he'll strip naked and start rubbing those jewels over his body"
Fili: "Fuck you, you take that image back"

Their meeting dissolves into laughter there but the Arkenstone stills weights on his mind, if can't have it then the next choice will not be an Elf, not that Elf. And so he commits to at least insure it's not in Elf hands. Even if it means hurling it into a pit somewhere. 

When Thranduil returns, Bard asks about the jewels wanting to see these things he'd brought a whole army over about and was willing to lay siege to the mountain for. Bard doesn't even know what they look like and asks if they're diamonds, or rubies or some otherworldly jewel like the Arkenstone. Thranduil says he refused to sign the contract since it's stipulates that he trade an item he doesn't have for the jewels. 
Bard: "What item? Did you lose it?"
Thranduil: "Oh no, I never had it to negotiate with. It's works out, they don't have my jewels to trade me for it."
Bard: "They don't have them? Do you know where they are then?"
Thranduil: "Likely you have them. Them being non-Dwarven and all."
Bard: "I. Likely. Have. Them?"
Thranduil: "Almost certainly. I'd bet a few coins on that." 
Bard: "Unbelievable. You're unbelievable. It's the Arkenstone you don't have to negotiate with, isn't? That's what Thorin wants for the jewels. I have that. I've been half-wondering when they'd get around to strip-searching Dale for that thing. Fine, tell me what your jewels look like and I'll go up and make the trade tomorrow."
Thranduil: "No, you must negotiate my claim on the jewels since they are Dale's property and I have a condition you must follow to give me the jewels."
Bard: "That's not how that works, commonly a condition on it would be an or condition, 'give me the jewels or I'll burn your house down', not 'give me the jewels and also oh do this other thing for me'."
Thranduil: "Well I am King and I can hardly be expected to follow a common condition."
Bard: "Fine, fine. What's the condition?"
Thranduil: "Do not give the Arkenstone to Thorin. Not to him, not to his nephews, not to any Dwarf."
Bard: "So what? I'm just to keep it forever. Keep it till I die, let it become my children's burden and their children's burden?"
Thranduil: "Only if that's what you desire."
Bard: "It's not, that stone is absolutely worthless. I only have it for insurance. Thorin wanted it more then anything, then he wouldn't trade even one thing to get it back before. I can't give it to the Dwarves, I know you won't accept it, you wouldn't even take possession of when Bilbo all but gave it to you. It can't be sold for food, it can't even be sold for gold." *so with that he takes it out and starts tossing it in the air like he did before the gate of the mountain*
Thranduil: "So what will you do with it?"
Bard: "I'm going to see how far it skips across the lake."


We Three Kings - caycowa.deviantart.com/gallery…
Spring comes to Erebor

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Tumblr Reblog - Do I get cookies for that? Or...  
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