We Three Kings -Barduil Week- Animals

Thranduil: "How did that happen?"
Bard: "They walked right up to him and invited him over to see the cat that shared his name, Afrid the Cunt."
Thranduil: "You're having me on."
Bard: "I'm not. They are terrible children. Just terrible."
Thranduil: "What happened? He would be mad but it's not illegal. Is it?"
Bard: "Not at all. And that's a good thing since Afrid the Human has no real power to enforce non-existent laws he had to bring the matter to the Master. Which is great, since he's more lazy then anything and there's a fifty percent change he'll let anything Afrid brings to him slide and punish him because he doesn't want to be bothered when he's got important Master-Mayor shit to do such as shitting. He asked me why I named the cat Afrid the Cunt and I said, oh I was holding the cat here because I had to bring the cat in as evidence, I said 'it's ironic'. The Master then asked 'why?' and I said 'because he has the all the warmth and well of depth Afrid can only dream of'. And he let me go, probably because of the faces Afrid was now making at us, like a dying fish."
Thranduil: "That was clever though to think of that, stupid to say but clever."
Bard: "Hardly, no. I'd said it before. That's actually how Sigrid learned that word and I was thinking about it on the way over. Before we found the cat, I was talking to Percy and he said Afrid was a cunt, and I had said 'don't knock cunts, cunts have a warmth and depth Alfrid lacks' and suddenly Sigrid was right there next to me, when she was nowhere near before and I said 'where did you come from?' and Percy said 'A cunt' and Sigrid said 'is a cunt like a cat?' and Percy answered before I could stop him 'as much as Percy is a pussy' and argghhh. It was one of those unexpected consequences of ones actions that just comes back to get you. So... so the next time the Master decided he wanted to search my house for my chamber pots of gold, Alfrid looked right at me and meowed like a cat."
Thranduil: "Damn."
Bard: "Yeah Damn. Everything just comes back around. Bad things but also good things so that's good."



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Barduil Week 
July 2nd  - Animals 

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We Three Kings - caycowa.deviantart.com/gallery…
Aftermath (2941-2944)
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Tumblr Reblog - The nine lives of Bard the Bowman

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